Hemisphere Wars

My creative beastie is sick and tired of table scraps and wants something substantial to masticate, and is fed up with all of my measly little sewing projects of late. So, my left brain has had to toughen up and put the smack down on its cranial counterpart. My right brain protests vehemently that it is being unfairly stifled, and that structure is so boring! (in that awful high pitched whiny voice that kids are so proficient at). And my poor corpus callosum is stuck in between as the bedraggled referee.
The fact remains however that unless I schedule and organize my sorry tush, I don't get nearly enough (or any, lately) illustration done. So with my dominant hemisphere kicking and screaming, I dutifully cleaned my cluttered house, paid the depressing bills and cracked open my dusty planner and set me some schedule to illustrate more. Nice stiflingly specific goals with deadlines and all. (ok, ok, loose deadlines... right brain put up quite the fight and threatened to strike if things got too stringent)
Soo-o, I'm going to finish (yes, really) the Ted the Hamster book my sister Meg so cleverly wrote and gave to me to illustrate all those eons ago. Its been disgustingly close to completion for way too long. The plan is to print it out myself and hand bind it. It will have both hardback and paperback versions. And I'll be selling them through my decrepit etsy shop. And if my kids have any say in it, a Ted the Hamster plushie may show up there in the future (they really want one, I'm not horribly keen on it, so we'll see). Meanwhile I'll also keep plodding along with my "Cora's Perfect Pet" dummy book in preparation for its sacrificial offering to a endless ocean of potential publishers and multiple rejection letters. Hopefully little and consistent bits at a time will keep both beasties at bay.

sketches of my kids..

Illustrating my book has been greatly neglected of late. Not without good excuse, I've been rather occupied with gestating and then recovering from the birth of my newest little darling boy Liam. The latest sketching started when Lucy fell asleep a while ago on the couch, and looked so stinking cute it inspired me to draw her. Whenever I draw my kids, I always wonder why on earth I don't do it more often. It doesn't take much time, and I LOVE the results (I mean as much as I love anything I do that I can still totally pick apart, because its not perfect). It is however nice to have NOT done them on scrap paper at church, like half of the drawings I do of my kids.

Then of course Max wanted a picture of himself, and so he willingly posed, which I then took full advantage of.

Sohvi was the best at holding still, and I really like this picture of her. Though none of them are fantastic representations...

Liam, even sleeping wouldn't hold still for anything, so its not very good at all, but oh well. (and my scanner sometimes sucks and leaves gross dark borders on the sides..)

Darwin is laughing at us

We openly defy the law of natural selection as a species. Put any one of us in the wild for a few years, and other than Bear Grylls we'd all be dead, most of us in the first day or two. If we don't get eaten by wild animals, tumbled off a cliff or poisoned by snakes or berries, we'd starve or freeze to death. We hunt for a Big Mac in our climate controlled speeding vehicles moving over smooth roads of tiny rocks cemented in tar. Or if we are feeling really ambitious, one can hunt for frozen plucked, skinned and de-boned chicken in your freezer. Our shelters are so crazy elaborate they take an army to build, and half a lifetime to pay for. Gathering happens at the grocery store where food is in bottles and boxes and cans and filled with sugar and preservatives. And then we eat too much of it so we do pointless work of running in place that accomplishes nothing but that we can eat more without getting fat.

And what do we do in our climate controlled houses with machines to work for us and prepared food is a phone call or a fridge walk away? We are bored, and so sit in front of reflective boxes powered by millions of tiny electrons flowing in a controlled current to manipulate 1's and 0's to entertain us. That my friend is what we've come up with with our big impressive brains. Does that mean that we've eradicated cruelty unlike the big bad wild world surrounding us? Of course not!

Despite these observations I'm not all out advocating we go build bomb shelters and stock up for post-apocalyptic survival or am somehow dissing the very technology I'm using. I'm just saying its interesting, ironic and sometimes we take our own culture for granted. I think its good to be able to step outside of it and see its idiosyncrasies that we may appreciate it for its good qualities and learn what we can from it. I am glad we defy nature. I for one would probably be dead without it.

However if one day I need to fend for my own survival, I'll get one of my expert chicken snatching offspring to catch dinner for me.Hopefully, there will be an abundance of wild free-range chickens running around.

messing around with watercolors..

My kids inspire me to play around in art just for fun, which I should do more often. I think I can take it too seriously, because with my book illustration I need to to a certain extent. But it can be bad because I scare myself away with self intimidation. These were done while watching Conference. Some I like more than others, but I'm including all of them just because. (maybe to show not just my favourites, but the mediocre stuff as a contrast..) I honestly never know what is going to turn out.


I started out not liking the leaf.. but kept messing with it and coming back to it (which most of the time with watercolors will just make a mess) and I ended up liking it a lot. Leaves are a rather re-occurring theme in my art. I think they are beautiful, and are somewhat symbolic for me of the beauty and intricacy of creation.
The baby nasal aspirator ironically turned out unexpectedly well despite the subject matter. Unfortunately it IS an indicator of the condition of my baby's nose..

The apple and orange are rather.. um, just meh. Underwhelming. But they were simple objects already... so their lack of detail isn't a problem, as much as they were boring still life subjects to begin with. Blame my kids, they were their snacks.

All in all though just very fun to mess around and have fun with art for no particular reason at all.

On why I am not the world's biggest cold cereal fan

First, honestly, how can that much processed preservatives and fake chemical vitamins cemented together with glucose be good for you at all? I'm not normally of the ultra hippie, all organic persuasion either, but have you looked at the ingredient list for cereals? I'll bet half of the chemicals listed are banned by the TSA and are on the baggage confiscation list at airports as well as being known carcinogens according to the state of California.

Secondly, it never lasts me longer than an hour or two, before I'm way hungrier than I was before I consumed said 'breakfast'. Even when its NOT a sugar coated concoction of insulin inducing craziness. You'd think a whole grain based cereal wouldn't cause the same debilitating drop in blood sugar. But it does. For me. I might as well eat a candy bar with a multivitamin. It would last as long, taste a whole lot better, and probably be just as healthy.

Thirdly, its the equivalent of a culinary time bomb. You have 1.6 minutes to inhale your cereal before it becomes an unappetizing mass of lactose suspended gelatinous particles. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself in possession of slightly above average amounts of courage and toughness than is generally thought of for my sex, and I enjoy a bit of extreme sportiness. Just not in my morning repast.

Fourthly, In a Herculean effort to expand the cereals time sensitive aptitude for sogginess, they have created indigestible clumps of mouth destroying, mastication nightmares. You literally have to build up scar tissue on the roof of your mouth to protect against the onslaught of razor edged, diamond hard, vitamin enriched, dehydrated food particles. Honestly, its like war! And this new genetically enhanced cereal gives you a mere .259 minute time advantage before it also reverts to its atomic constituents more closely resembling decomposing swamp matter.

Fifthly (yeah, that's a mouthful of grammatical incorrectitude... however I'd rather be consistent... so bite me). I don't even like the taste of most cereals. Just not a big fan. There are a few I'll spring for on occasion when amnesia gets the better of me. My favorite being Cranberry Almond Crunch... but that whole box contains about 2.15 actual bowls of cereal and is priced as if gold plated. (and you STILL need to consume in small quantities in excess of land speed records to beat its time bomb/soggy factor)

..and lastly, I am a big fat hypocrite, because despite all of these factors, it is still way too fast, too easy and too convenient, and is the only proven way to ensure my kids get a modicum of calcium every day. Thus, despite my strong feelings to the contrary, my kids (though not me) consume it every morning almost without fail.

I HAVE strong opinions and principles. I just lack the motivation and will power to uphold them.

Tutorial: Diaper Holder Changing Packet

I have of late much appreciated free patterns and tutorials. So here is another one I came up with that I will share. Anyone is welcome to use it for personal and non commercial use. (you can make it for you, or as a gift, just DON'T sell them) I retain all commercial rights to it. The point is to hold all your diapers and changing stuff in your diaper bag together, so you can just grab a small bundle to change your kid, instead of lugging the whole bag around to the bathroom. Obviously I like the idea, or I wouldn't have designed this one. Enjoy it. Its fun to customize to match with other baby accessories.

DISCLAIMER! I used pictures of two different diaper holders in the directions, so sorry if that is confusing. It is also really hard to explain how to do things with only pictures and words... instead of just doing it, or showing someone how in person. I didn't think this was complicated at all until I wrote directions for it. If you ARE confused, please ask me questions, and I'll try to make the directions better and clear it up.

Supplies:
-rotary cutter, self healing mat and clear ruler (or scissors and measuring tape)
-sewing machine.-two coordinating/contrasting fabrics, 1/3 of a yard each
-matching thread
-clear vinyl, 1/4 yard.
-iron on/fusible interfacing
-10" of 1/4" wide elastic
-sew on Velcro
-8 1/2" x 4 1/2" x 1" diaper wipes traveling case (Huggies.. is the one I used)

optional:
-coordinating 1" wide grosgrain ribbon
-more coordinating fabric scraps for pockets.
-tissue paper for sewing vinyl easier
-clothespins for holding vinyl in place

Cut:
-one 10 1/2" x 20 1/2" rectangle of the main/outer fabric
-one 10 1/2" x 20 1/2" rectangle of the liner/contrast fabric-one 10 1/2" x 20 1/2" rectangle of the fusible interfacing.
-one 8 1/2" x 11 3/4" rectangle of main/outer fabric or other coordinating fabric for the middle pocket
-two 5 1/2" x 10 1/2" rectangles of clear vinyl for outer pockets
-two 2" x 10 1/2" binding strips out of outside fabric or second coordinating fabrics for vinyl pocket edging
Use 1/4" seam allowance unless otherwise specified on this pattern.
We'll start with the inside.
To make the elastic casing on the middle pocket. Turn over the lengthwise edge 1/4" and iron in place. Turn over again another 1/2" and iron again. Pin and stitch close to the fold as shown.

thread the 10" piece of elastic through the casing with a safety pin. stitch casing closed on each end, making sure to catch the elastic in place.

To give the pocket depth we need to add small pleats near each end. (fold the fabric over to make a little pinch) Pinch just enough pleat to match the width of the liner (sorry for the lack of exactness.. I'm not really an exact seamstress, and it doesn't really matter). Line up edges with elastic casing matching the edge of the liner fabric, pin in place. Stitch along the opposite edge of the pocket as shown in both the illustration and picture.


Fold pocket over adding more small pleats close the the corners of each side. Pin and stitch along the sides. (if you want more guidelines as to how big to make the pleats, use the travel size diaper wipes you'll be putting in it as a guide)

Vinyl pockets
- [1st illustration] sew (no pinning on vinyl) right sides together the binding strip to the vinyl. (tip: sew with the vinyl on the bottom, it will feed through your machine easier.)
-[2nd illustration] turn and fold fabric binding strip along the seam edge.
-[3rd and 4th illustration] Fold twice to make a binding. stitch close to the edge. (edges won't match, wider side with outer stitching is the outside). Repeat for other vinyl pocket.

Stitch vinyl pockets to liner matching corners. (if you like to pin... use clothespins while sewing to hold it in place instead) (for easier feeding through your machine, put the vinyl on the bottom) Clip curves and trim close to stitching on vinyl only.

Inside is complete... now to construct the outside.

Iron on fusible interfacing to the outer fabric according to interfacing directions.

if you are using a contrasting ribbon stitch along the edges of the ribbon down the middle of length of the outer fabric.

Velcro Tab: (two ways shown)
-Cut about 7/8" hook side of velcro, and about 1 1/4" of the soft side of the velcro.
using ribbon:
cut 3 1/2" of ribbon. Sew hook side of velcro just past the middle of the ribbon. Fold ribbon in half and stitch along the edges of the ribbon.

or using fabric scraps:
cut two pieces of 2" x 1 1/2" contrasting fabric scrap. Sew hook side of velcro onto the right side of one fabric piece about a 1/2" away from the end. With right sides together sew around three sides of both fabric scraps leaving the opposite end (of the velcro) side open. Clip corners, and turn inside out. (you can stitch 1/8" around the edges for a more finished look if you'd like)


pin velcro tab as shown to the middle of the lengthwise end (velcro side up). Pin soft side of velcro in between 5 1/2" and 6 3/4" along the ribbon (or in the middle) as shown. (To double check correct velcro position, fill liner side with diapers and wipes, pin corners together and fold up, checking velcro closure. Adjust accordingly.) sew velcro and velcro tab on.

With right sides together, pin liner and outside pieces together (but not on the vinyl part, pins leave permanent holes in vinyl). You can hold the ends in place with clothespins if you want. Stitch with 3/8" seam allowance leaving an opening along the side, large enough to turn inside out. Clip corners paying special attention to the vinyl (very important! otherwise it will be a nightmare to turn inside out). Then trim vinyl only close to the seam.
turn inside out. Make sure to turn the pockets to the inside, and get the corners tight.
Pin opening closed, and stitch 1/8" seam allowance around the entire diaper holder. (paying careful attention to making sure the hole is closed and vinyl is flat)
fill with diapers (it is designed to fit 3 diapers of any size, one per pocket) with wipes and changing pad in the middle. You can buy or make your own changing pad. (You just decide on the size, and cut top, and bottom fabrics and vinyl the same size and sew them together with vinyl in the middle, leaving an opening to turn inside out, and then finishing it with a topstitch just like the diaper case once it is turned inside out)

fold it up and you're ready to go!

On organization

I'm crap at it. But seeing as it is a recognized (though not celebrated) weakness of mine, I'm always trying to come up with (or find) ideas that just might help me be not-so crap at it. Occasionally out of sheer volume of trial and error, I come across some things that have miraculously worked for me. I will share them with you on the off chance that perhaps they might help you too. Or you could alternately point and laugh because A- you are already an organization pro, or B- of course my silly ideas wouldn't work for you, or C- you are rich enough to pay someone to do your dirty work for you, or D- you have no children to negate your organizational prowess. At which point you have at least been amused by my misfortunes, so my rantings haven't been in vain after all.

Idea Uno.

I especially suck at cleaning my house. I just don't LIKE it, and it gets messed up again so fast, why bother cleaning it ALL of the time. So I used to let it slide until I went absolutely mad with disgust and annoyance at which point I'd go through and angrily clean the whole thing up, only to have it last roughly .00318 milliseconds before the next tornado hit. Seriously, what was the point.

Or else I was forever picking things up, but it never stayed as such long enough to vacuum or sweep before other toys, coats, backpacks or shoes would drift in of their own natural volition, thus preventing any actual cleaning of the cluttered surface. * So, even I who have a moderately high tolerance for clutter, was seriously annoyed. Next, I tried a chore chart, which didn't really last. Then I tried having everybody help clean up every Saturday. It wasted the day, and made everybody cranky. Everything I tried never really lasted longer than a couple of weeks. And took lots of effort.

* (Sir Isaac Newton, had he any progeny would have certainly discovered this fourth undeniable law of thermodynamics which is as follows "areas in clutter must remain in clutter unless acted upon by the STRONG force, which exists only in the nucleus of atoms, so good luck with getting that to work for you", but fortunately for high school students everywhere he didn't manage to fit procreation into his rather busy schedule and there is, for now, one less law to memorize.)

So... I came up with only cleaning one room a day. Every day, except weekends. That's it. Ignore the rest of the house (except the dishes.. yeah, that can't be ignored, and laundry I suppose..) and only focus on one room. Then the next day pick a different room. It actually has a chance to get all of the way clean, not just picked up, but thoroughly scrubbed (and half of the time organized) because I'm setting a realistic, small goal. And because it is realistic, easy and small, I do it again, and it actually lasts beyond a few weeks. The surprising thing is it helps me to be more productive, because once my one room is done, I don't have to do any wasting-time-avoid-cleaning-syndrome things, I get to move onto whatever project I am currently working on sans guilt. Then not only do I have a great feeling of accomplishment, but it actually stays a lot cleaner for some reason. (this part I don't get, except that as a whole, each room gets completely cleaned about once a week, which is probably more than ever did before in my house) And if happen to be feeling lazier on a certain day, I pick a room that isn't so bad. (if I have something too structured, I feel stifled, so I don't have set days for each room) Even when I miss a day, or days, I don't catch up and clean more than one a day, I just start again. I turn on music, and make my kids help me, and its not so bad. I really like it, and even if it doesn't work for you, I'm really, really relieved that something works for me. Sure it means all of your entire house isn't spotless at the same time, but when did that ever last anyway. Its scientifically proven. Nature truly does abhor a vacuum. Lucky for us, 21st century narcissistic Americans abhor Nature. So, it all evens out.

Point deux.

I am rotten at making real dinners consistently. Five o'clock rolls around, and I spend an hour thinking of things I don't feel like making, and then having to force it upon my unwilling subjects. By six, I am in somewhat of a panic... oh crap, now I have to do something ELSE and quick, because we should be eating now, or thereabouts. Pancakes, oatmeal, cold cereal, grilled tuna or cheese sandwiches, hot dogs, or mac and cheese are now the options. Gross. Well, except for the pancakes, which we have quite a lot of, but aren't really that great for long term hunger fulfillment. ANYWAY... as aforementioned and is now glaringly obvious at this point, I'm not organized enough to know what I'm making beforehand, which would solve all but the forcing-to-consume part of my problem. I also am a booger and can't be bothered with sticking to a fixed schedule for meals. How am I going to know on Monday what I'll feel like eating (or making) on Friday? Sometimes I think of a few I want to make, and I write them down before hand, but only occasionally, but it really helps. So I should be able to write out a list of seven meals that I might wish to make through the week in no particular order, and in varying degrees of time allotment required to prepare. I make sure I have ingredients on hand, or go get them all at once... So, I thought if I had a cool specific place to write all of it, then maybe I'd be consistent at planning ahead. So instead of dinner, I made a blank menu idea list I could print more of whenever I needed to. And then I thought of a cool way to put them on my fridge... So, I thought I'd share how to make it, and perhaps it can benefit you too, so that my kids having oatmeal for dinner yet again won't be in vain. I'll even give you the finished printing layout because I'm that kind of person.

print THIS out.



I didn't put borders on it, because my laser printer doesn't DO borderless printing, so make sure when you print it out it is with a border. And its not perfect (hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I made it for you, quit whining) they're all not going to line up exactly and the edge borders are going to be bigger than the middle ones, but get over it, and just cut it off.

..and then if you went through all that bother, you might as well make the holder. (its really easy) And you can use a random ugly or boring magnet you don't care for to hold it up.

Cut a clear vinyl strip. 3 1/4" x 10 1/2"

Fold the strip of clear vinyl once backwards, and once forwards. Adjust to fit.



Sew the edges with cool colored thread. (I sew each seam twice so its thicker, and stays better, and you don't have to backstitch at the beginning and end because that looks silly on vinyl)

Slide the magnet under one flap.



..and the blank lists into the other.

Fill with ideas. Place on fridge. Feel sufficiently motivated and inspired to make dinner before bedtime.

Figuring out how to get your picky kids to eat the dinner, without giving them therapist fodder? No clue.

(and hey, make it all you want for you and friends or family, but don't rip off my idea as your own and try to sell them or anything K, that's just rude!)


Solution drei.

ha, ha, just kidding! I don't have another one. yet. I just wanted to use another random language number, so it looked like it was on purpose. (Kinda like I'd be cool like Bono and do my own version of weird counting, and not just totally copy his 1, 2, 3, 14 in spanish.) I know I'm lame, just checking to see if anybody is still actually reading by now. You can officially stop though. I'll let you.

I promise.