On productivity and my general lack of it.

complete with personal neurosis

In yet another desperate attempt to be a better taskmaster for myself (ie. real grown-up) I have come up with again, another solution.  (Because I've certainly never addressed that issue on my blog before, ever...)  I need to be more accountable and organized and stuff, so I can be productive.  I don't really want to use (and thus use up, as it is almost full) my current planner, because then I'd have to make a new one... and I'm so crazy overwhelmed with creative projects right now I just cannot even fathom the thought of having to make a new one (even though I have already planned on what paper I want to make my new one with).  Therefore I re-adjusted the planner page I previously designed to a single page printout that I can just print off whenever I'd like, hang on the fridge, and throw away and such when I am done.  (as opposed to binding it all together in a beautiful, yet time consuming planner).  And I'm using it differently than I have my beautiful red planner.  It is basically a glorified "to do" list.  But without as much guilt... maybe.   ...hopefully.  I list things that need to be done on the right side and things that I DO on the left side.  (even if I list them retroactively)  Then I can both cross things off as I accomplish them and feel productive anyway with things I did that weren't on the list.  And whatever isn't done, if it deems itself worthy it can be moved to the next weeks list.  Or not, so as to not feel overly bogged down by OLD goals.  (I have weird mental tricks..) Who wants to do an old guilt laden thing, when there are bright and shiny new ideas to chase?  Which couldn't possibly be the reason for my creative buildup, right?

Also works for when you happen to decide you must go bunny shopping instead of everything else on your "to do" list

I may have ADD.. or clinically: ADHD-I, the sort with the inattentive subtype, but who really speaks that language ;).  Remember how I might be a mental hypochondriac?  Yeah... so who knows really.  I do know that I beat myself up for being lazy and am a massive procrastinator and I get crazy distracted by so many useless things ALL THE STUPID TIME!  And how I currently have no less than 26 uncompleted drafts of blog posts that I have started, but not finished.  And countless sewing projects that have been abandoned in various stages of completion.  And how I have been working on illustrating the children's book I wrote for going on something like 6 years.  And how sometimes the only time I get anything done is when I'm avoiding doing something else.  I should be able to get so much more done (even with kids.)  So, maybe I do have ADD.   But I'm thinking/hoping it isn't bad enough to warrant medication.. (what I have actually tried, it didn't help and I hated it)  This is my current way to fight back.  We'll see how well it works...

The glimmer of hope is that sometimes I have fantastic productivity surges and I am able to accomplish nearly everything I want to, until reality crashes the party.   Then I get caught in guilt and shame spirals where I beat myself up and it only makes it harder to do anything because I feel so crappy and I feel helpless against my unreasonable un-productivity.  I'll give you an example.  I really don't like doing dishes.  Normally I just do them anyway, and push through and pretend I'm a real and responsible grown-up.  (Or I totally jam out to loud music to make it fun.)  But sometimes, such as some unspecified three days last week, they unsuspectingly pile up to incomprehensible levels that may or may not contain every single bowl and utensil in my entire house and it becomes so awful and overwhelming that I will mean to do them, and constantly try to start, and feel completely awful that I haven't, but I'm never actually able to do it.  For three days people!  That is just super gross.  This is an extreme case, yes.. but sometimes the worse the problem, the harder it is to face.  But the more I actually do get done, when I finally break do break out of my stupor, is fantastic and encouraging.  The hope is that productivity is contagious.  So maybe it is possible to slowly turn my weaknesses into strengths.  Eventually.

And since I already re-formatted this goal/"to do"/productivity-planner/page/list/thingie for myself, why not share, if it could be useful to others.  So here you are.  Just click on the image and save it to your computer, and then you can print it out with whatever program you have that prints .jpg files.  So if you happen have my particular brand of crazy, you are welcome to make use of it.*  Or alternately you can use it like a regular planner, if you are normal and your grown-up-ness isn't broken.  You're welcome.  I make no guarantees as to its efficacy.  That part is up to you.

*Just don't be mean and try and sell it or things made from it, ok.  But that is just common sense and decency, right?