Monday, February 4, 2013

#365 drawings: Owl 1/365

1/365  Just for fun.. that and my kids love owls.


Day one. 

I debated about lots of this.  Actually committing to do one drawing a day for a year.  (gulp)  If I was really going to do it, where I would showcase some (or not) and other stuffs (that I can't think of now, but it seems there should of necessity be more to list).  Mostly my fear of public commitment, and my knowledge of my flaky self.  I know it will be good for me, I need to be more productive with art.  I've never been prolific at drawing, I am too critical and perfectionistic to churn out loads just for the numerical quality.  So I knew it would be good for me to break out of that box.  And it would be a chance to draw just for fun, and not for illustrative book purposes.  To remember that I love to do it.  Not that I don't love it when a drawing/illustration is going well.  I wouldn't do it (or have gotten this far, which isn't very, but for me, it is) if I didn't like it.  But there is a lot less pressure when the drawing is just for drawing, and nothing else.  And if I don't like it, I (probably) won't show it.  And I don't want to be consumed by it (I am already bad at general house upkeep anyway, and have a half a trillion partially completed sewing projects not done) but it really will be good for me.  And my billionth new attempt at a new schedule/self discipline.  Because my grown-up-ness is broken.  (Which I recently surmised from various sources I can't be bothered to remember now may actually be RELATED to my being a creative person, which is an interesting idea, and helps me be less guilt ridden)

And I may actually have incentive to post these and not half finish them to sit and rot in my unpublished post box.  Like so many others...  (there are lots currently about apathy, and such which, shockingly... are so pathetic I can't and don't even want to finish them.)

I've sort of been in a dark place.  A self discovering place.  But not a very nice to myself, want to share how pathetic I've been feeling sort of place.  Even though that can be helpful to others and healing and such.  I'm not always that brave.

Enough of that.  I am getting super off topic.  And I am determined to NOT go back and meticulously edit the crazy out of my posts (or not, and therefore not publish them).  So I had better stick to my reason for posting.  I am very scared of doing this.  And I don't like to be a follower... (I'm a self proclaimed antiestablishmentarian)  So it really isn't like me to jump on the bandwagon.  Even someone who I admire.  BUT that is a stupid excuse to not do it.  I realize I actually don't use my blog much to showcase my art (I am really actually pretty shy about my art, I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but it freaks me out to share it) at least as much as I could.  Partly because I haven't bothered to learn the "rules" about what I'm expected to know about unpublished disclosure and blah, blah, blah.  So I don't know if I'm shooting myself in the foot by showing off art that may later want to be copyrighted by a publisher...  ANYWAY.. going off topic again.  The other reason I'm reluctant to share more art on my blog is I get compulsive about checking the comments (or usually lack thereof) and care way too much about other people's feedback then I have any right to.  Basically I am way more insecure than I should be.  Especially when it has to do with my art.  There you go.  Full nekid disclosure.

But in the vein of not going for perfection and not having this take over my life, neither the drawing or the writing in these posts will be cleaned up and/or picked over incessantly.  I'm not even going to scan the drawings (unless they are illustrations which I'll use later) just take pictures of them.  (Blast that crummy instagram is too snotty to let those of us "losers" without smart phones play their exclusive game.)

Which is WHY then I should fight my fears and do it anyway.  So I am.  Wish me freakish luck.  I desperately need it.

3 comments:

  1. go, c!! i love this picture! so awesome.
    you are brave, and i am proud of you for fighting your fears and going for it!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Eve, for all your sweet, encouraging comments! It means a lot and helps me be more brave..

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